Have you ever gone to someone else’s family reunion?
I have gone to maybe one or two. They were tolerable, at best; and just confusing and uncomfortable at worst. I didn’t know the people there, I didn’t know the stories that everyone found so funny, I didn’t understand the family connections. I felt like such an outsider! I had no shared memories with these people, I couldn’t appreciate the tradition of Aunt Somebody’s family recipes, or find any excitement around the activities that were clearly part of the annual ritual.
I was there not as a participant, but rather as an observer.
Until…
One of the family members came along side me and started to explain everything, and introduce me to everyone, and begin that process of bringing me up to speed with the stories and traditions and rituals. She made me feel welcome in the midst of these strangers. By the end of the day I almost felt like part of the family!
I came to St. Mark’s nearly nine months ago, and felt so warmly welcomed. It took no time for me to feel like part of this family. But I have to confess – I came to you already part of the family; we already shared some family history, at least the important part of our family history: We are brothers and sisters in Christ. And while I didn’t (and still don’t!) know everyone’s names, or all of the traditions and rituals that are unique to St. Mark’s, I am surrounded by people who have come along side me and made me feel like I am among family and friends.
But, the church in general, is not always such a warm and welcoming place. In fact, for many people, their experience of a new church is anything but welcoming. There are churches, and smaller groups within churches (like choirs, Sunday School classes, social groups) that have been together for so long with the same people, that when they get together it is like a little mini-family reunion. They exclaim, “We love each other! We are so happy to see each other and be together! We know so much about each other and care for one another, and lift each other up in our prayers!” None of these are bad things! Yet their close friendship appears quite closed to anyone who has not been a part of their gathering for an extended period of time. Several years ago, I had a good friend lament to me about the “us” and “them” mentality of the church she had been attending for many years, saying “No matter what I do, or how long I have been there I will never be a Charter Member!” She was being made to feel like an outsider even within her church home.
Another friend told me a story of how she had fallen away from the church for many years, but decided one Easter that she felt the desire to start going to church again. She got up the courage to go the big downtown church; walked in and sat down. That is when she overheard two people – obviously regular attendees of the church – sitting right behind her. One said to the other, “It’s so unfair that all these visitors show up and sit in our good seats. They should have their own section in the back of the church.” She got up, walked out, and didn’t return to any church for nearly 10 years.
In the wonderful and small book, Contemporary Worship for the 21st Century by Daniel Benedict and Craig Kennet Miller, one sentence has been emblazoned in my mind since first reading it almost nine years ago. They write:
“Do we stand up and lean forward to welcome the seekers or do we stay seated in our pew and complain when they stumble over us as they try to find their place?”
I am telling these stories as words of both congratulations and caution.
St. Mark’s is great at helping people feel welcome. I have seen very little of exclusive and unwelcoming attitudes here. But, it is easy to unintentionally slip up. It feels good to be comfortable with our family as we tell stories and participate in our traditions and rituals; so let’s be constantly on the look out for anyone who may need someone to come along side, and do all that we can to welcome them into our midst so that they can become full participants in God’s family – both here at St. Mark’s, and in the world.
Blessings,
Julie
